In conclusion, some products we use every day...
cause algae to grow in lakes...
cutting off oxygen and disrupting the ecosystem.
So, what we've learned...
is that we must choose biodegradable products...
to help protect our environment.
Excellent report.
Inspired visuals. Next team.
[CLEARS THROAT]
How air pollution affects our everyday life.
Excellent topic.
Denver... high atop the majestic Rocky Mountains...
elevation... 5,000 feet.
Philadelphia...
lying low in the Delaware basin...
250 feet above sea level.
Well researched.
Denver... clean crisp mountain air.
Philadelphia... polluted industrial smog.
Mile High Stadium... home of the Colorado Rockies.
Veterans Stadium... home of the Philadelphia Phillies.
Oh, here we go.
The Rockies, a bogus expansion team mind you...
are averaging four more runs per game...
than anyone in the league...
because of their clean air.
Our theory is if Philadelphia...
would clean up its smoggy air...
the ball would slice through the atmosphere...
with a greater velocity.
Therefore the Phillies would score more runs.
And win every home game. The end.
So, how'd you like our report?
Stinks.
Stinks! How'd you like my half?
Relax, Mr. Matthews. I blame myself.
You do? Cool.
Yes. I let you choose your own partner.
An astounding lapse of judgment for someone of my experience.
I'm going to let you try again...
but this time I'll choose the teams.
Mr. Hunter, you'll work with Mr. Minkus.
BoTH: oh, no.
And Mr. Matthews...
Yeah, I'll hook up with Mr. Sullivan.
No, no. That's worse.
You'll work with Miss Lawrence.
Topanga?
Give me your hand.
Why?
I want to see if our energies converge.
Ooh.
He's vibrationally acceptable.
Thanks.
Uh, Mr. Feeny, may I approach the bench?
Objection, Mr. Matthews?
Can you be swayed on this?
I'm Gibraltar.
Come on, Mr. Feeny.
Topanga's, like, totally strange.
Strange is in the eye of the beholder, Mr. Matthews.
I, for example...
have a young neighbor who sings along with...
his little sister's Barney records.
You hear that?
Why would I want to invite him to my party?
What's wrong with him?
He's gross. He's a total Brillo head.
What do you think of my hair?
Guys don't ask guys that question.
Well, would this qualify as a Brillo head?
Nah. You're more like a Nerf head.
You knew this, and you didn't tell me?
You got curly hair. Big deal.
Can we move on now?
Sure. It's easy for you to talk.
You got hair. I'm a Chia pet.
Cory...
I got Jedidiah to drive me to your house after school.
Who's Jedidiah?
My father.
Wait. You call your father Jedidiah?
That's his name.
What do you call your father?
Well, like a lot of normal people...
I refer to him as "Dad."
Then how do you tell him apart from all the other dads?
Look, Topanga, is there any way we can do this assignment...
on the phone or by telepathy?
It concerns our environment.
I think it deserves more direct attention.
OK, oK. I'll see you at my house after school.
Before I leave...
I'd like you to sign a petition to save Mrs. Rosemead's job.
Who's Mrs. Rosemead?
Our librarian.
They're forcing her to retire.
It's blatant ageism.
Maybe because she's blatantly old.
Look, can we talk about this later?
We're real, real busy here.
Fine. I'll respect your space.
Wow. Feeny must really hate your guts.
Could be worse.
At least he didn't give me Minkus.
Hey, Minkus doesn't like me...
he doesn't trust me, and he doesn't respect me.
So he's doing the whole assignment by himself.
In my book, Stuart Minkus is a god.
Then why is he sitting at the weirdo table?
It's like the cast of "The Addams Family."
Don't they care what they look like?
Who cares what they look like?
What am I going to do about my hair?
If you're that stressed out...
I'll ask my sister what she uses to straighten her hair.
Your sister straightens her hair?
Yeah. If she didn't, it'd look as bad as...
oh, I don't know, you.
Mommy, if my dolly is cold...
can I put her in the toaster oven?
No, honey. That would be a mistake.
- Mommy? - What?
I made a mistake.
Cory, didn't you smell that?
I just thought we were having plastic for dinner.
I don't care what she looks like.
Debbie's my doll, and I love her.
Well, sweetheart, we'll get you another doll.
OK.
See you later, Amy.
- Amy? - or if you prefer, Mom.
I told you.
I have some ideas on our presentation.
So do I. Here's what we do.
We hit Feeny hard. We hit him fast.
The ozone layer... it's got a hole.
Wear a hat. We're in, we're out.
I kind of had a whole different approach...
to the report.
Less conventional, more performance art.
No, please, let's stick to conventional.
Conventional's good because no one laughs at conventional.
Read this poem out loud.
A poem? Please, not a poem.
[NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYS]
"Sun.
"The only.
"The one."
"Doughnut in the sky.
"Space. Big gaping place.
"Without. Within. our skin.
"Doughnut in the sky.
"Freon.
"Fluorocarbon.
"Humpback whale. So pale.
"Exhaust. Is all lost?
"Doughnut in the sky."
Yeah, we could do that in front of the class...
but before we do, will you just please...
take a huge baseball bat and hit me over the head?
You didn't think it had meaning?
Yeah, it means we'll be laughed out of school.
Why do you care so much what other people think?
When people laugh at you...
they're depleting their own karmic reservoir.
You're going to be one of those girls...
who doesn't shave her legs, aren't you?
I haven't decided yet.
Do you actually try to be weird?
I don't think I'm Weird.
I think I'm unique.
Jedidiah and Chloe say...
that every time you're not true to yourself...
the earth weeps.
Do they say that in their native Martian?
The earth is crying for you, Cory.
I'd rather have the earth crying...
than my friends laughing.
People make fun of you, Topanga.
So?
I couldn't take it. I just want to blend in.
Well, you're sure good at it.
You look like all the other plain-wrapped kids...
at school... except for your red hat.
Hey, I got that on Cap Night.
I had to Wait an hour in line.
Well, if it's important to you...
then it's beautiful.
Got the stuff.
Use a mirror, babe.
What stuff?
Let me ask you something.
What do you think of my hair? You think it looks good?
It's beautiful, like a desert tumbleweed.
OK. Thank you for those thoughts.
Look, Topanga, you want to do...
this performance thing, you go for it.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Are we all done for today?
Yeah. Shawn and I have another project...
we're working on now.
Really? What is it?
Well, you know how those dolphins...
get caught in the tuna nets?
Yeah.
It's got nothing to do with that.
So, should this stuff be burning?
Why, is it burning?
No. I'm just trying to make conversation...
because we never really get to talk.
- How bad's it burning? - Call your sister.
Ask her if my ears should feel like throbbing jalapenos.
Hi, Stacey. It's me.
Listen, Cory wants to know if that stuff...
you sent over should be burning.
Uh-huh. Really?
Hurting! Hurting now!
Stacey wants to know how long it's been burning?
- 40, 45 minutes. - 45 minutes.
Shawn, I'm going to rip my head off!
Stacey says you should've washed it out 45 minutes ago.
Aah!
Stacey says you shouldn't have left it in so long.
Stacey says why didn't you two idiots read the label?
Oh, thanks, Stace.
CoRY: Aah!
Aah!
[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]
[GASPS]
BOTH: Aaah!
SHAWN: I had nothing to do with this.
Cory, what did you do to your beautiful hair?
It Wasn't beautiful. It looked like Velcro.
Nothing's going to stick to that now, man.
This is your fault. You got the good hair.
Yeah, I did, didn't I?
OK. We can fix this.
Just... not with a comb.
Doesn't really matter, Mom. His hair's gonna fall out.
Eric, stop it.
What? I'm just saying.
Kid at school tried the same thing.
Bald as cue ball. She looks terrible.
I don't like my new dolly.
She's not wearing a pretty dress.
Well, honey, she's a businesswoman.
I mean, this dolly has gone to college...
has a good job...
and doesn't need Ken to support her.
Who cares? I got a head problem here.
Hey, it's Punky Brewster!
That's a hat, right?
Yeah. Try and take it off.
Cory, what did you do?
I tried to straighten my hair, oK?
With what, shellac?
Dad, you think a little shampoo might...
No. You see, the whole principle behind shampoo...
is that it actually has to touch your hair.
It's completely ineffective if there's...
a polyurethane force field surrounding your head.
I just hope your hair doesn't fall out.
Alan!
Oh, honey, a guy at work, Mike...
put this kind of stuff in his hair.
Bald as a cue ball.
OK. Listen up, family...
because I admit I didn't know what I was doing...
when I put this stuff on my head.
And I admit I didn't know what it was going to do to me.
But here's the thing I do know.
I am under no circumstances going to school tomorrow.
Is that clear? No school for Cory.
School, Cory, no.
All right. Next up for oral reports...
Miss Lawrence and Mr. Matthews.
Let's go, Mr. Matthews.
Remove your cap and deliver your report.
I can't remove my cap...
because our report is on the ozone layer...
and the cap is part of our UV-protection angle.
No caps in my class.
Mr. Feeny, if there was one shred of humanity in you...
you'll let me keep this on.
Too many years of sixth graders have bled me of my humanity.
Take off your cap.
[LAUGHING]
Go ahead, laugh.
Your hair looks different. Why would I laugh?
Over here... duck head.
[LAUGHING]
ToPANGA: Cory...
there's a seat for you here.
Tofu?
I only got one signature on our petition.
It's so sad.
How come no one cares about Mrs. Rosemead?
Because she's, like, old.
In Eastern culture...
old people are valued for their knowledge.
Darren, I've been meaning...
to ask you something since the fourth grade.
Every day you come to school with a cape.
What's the deal with the cape?
What cape?
Look, could someone else take this for a while?
I'm getting tired of having lima beans...
and spit wads shot at me all day.
I'll take it.
I'm used to having objects hurled at my head.
No one's going to sign your petition.
Why not?
Because you're weird.
However, I say that respectfully...
since I am now one of you.
But I know how to get them to sign.
Why should we listen to you?
You didn't even know who Mrs. Rosemead was.
I don't have to know Mrs. Rosemead.
All I have to know is the people...
who you want to sign the petition.
We know who they are.
They're people like that right over there.
They might as well be a billion miles away.
You don't know a thing about them.
What do they like to do after school?
What do they like to watch on TV?
- "Crossfire"? - "MacNeil-Lehrer Report."
I enjoy anything with Angela Lansbury.
All right. I'll assume those are all actual shows.
They're not watching those.
They're out there watching "Beavis and Butthead."
ALL: Whom?
Exactly my point.
You want to sell your idea, you need to know your buyer.
You got to organize, you got to strategize.
And most of all...
you need people who aren't... you.
Are you proposing to help us?
Yeah, I guess I am.
Why?
Because life is strange, and now so am I.
OK. What I'm doing is...
I'm just trying to get my hair back to normal.
Sure.
If you say anything...
I'll find some way to hurt you when I'm older.
Not a word, man.
I mean, it's cool, you know.
Don't worry about it.
Hey!
I own you now.
How much longer are we going to wait for him?
Just a couple more minutes.
He's not going to show.
We were stupid to believe him.
I feel cheap.
I know you people are way too smart and mature...
to find something as degrading as this funny.
[LAUGHING]
Look, the bell's going to ring any second.
Are we going to help out Mrs. Rosemead or not?
Let's rock 'n' roll.
Remember, hold your ground.
It's Friday afternoon...
and we are the only roadblock to freedom.
Things could get ugly.
[BELL RINGS]
What are you geeks doing? We're going to miss the bus.
Hey, look. It's Don King.
[LAUGHING]
OK, look. Here's the deal.
The school board is forcing Mrs. Rosemead to retire.
Who cares? It's the weekend.
Come on, you guys. The woman's been here for 40 years...
and they're just putting her out to pasture.
Just sign our petition and we'll move.
Move or die.
OK, you can kill us, but think about this.
Mrs. Rosemead's been here for, like, a billion years.
She couldn't care less what we do.
Hey, Larry, tell them...
how you got out of study hall last week.
I told her I was training for the olympic decathlon.
And she believed you, right?
She bought me a discus.
See? She'll go for anything.
Now, you know what's going to happen?
They're going to hire someone young to replace her.
And this one's going to have something to prove.
And, my good friends, study hall as we know it...
is gonna be over... forever.
Where's the stupid petition?
- Cafeteria. - I'm signing.
Wow.
You did great, Cory.
It was kind of cool staring down an angry mob.
I never knew I had it in me.
Sometimes the reluctant warrior is the bravest warrior.
You're not going to, like, kiss me now, are you?
Would it be your first kiss?
Hey, don't come near me.
Because it would be interesting...
if all your life you remembered that your first kiss happened...
when you thought you looked weird, wouldn't it?
No, it wouldn't be interesting. Get away.
Because then you'd know.
It's not what you look like on the outside that matters.
It's what kind of person you are.
You shouldn't kiss somebody you're not married to.
Hmm. Yeah.
I would have to feel I really knew the person.
And that I liked him.
Good.
It was my first one, too.
You know, I want to tell you something.
Brillo Head wouldn't have come to your party anyway.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the hair does not make the man.
And I speak from personal experience.
You shouldn't talk about people like that.
Don't flatter yourself, Cory.
We weren't even talking about you.
You called me Brillo Head.
We were talking about my sister's friend Dwayne.
We never talk about you, Cory. We're not that bored.
[LAUGHS]
I see you got your old hair back.
Yeah.
You like it better that way?
It's just hair.
There's still a seat for you if you want to sit down with us.
I kind of promised the guys I'd have lunch with them today.
Yeah, I understand.
Well, there's always a seat here for you.
Thanks.
Hey, touch football in my backyard after school.
Yeah. I'll be thereമഊ㤊㤹ഹ《㨰〰〺㔬〰ⴠ㸭〠㨰〰㈺〬ര㰊潦瑮挠汯牯∽昣晦て∰猠穩㵥㐱眾睷琮獶扵楴汴獥渮瑥⼼潦瑮ാ